Thailand is paradise. It is beautiful. The country is full of amazing Thai people who are friendly, respectful, and trust worthy. The food is amazing. The beaches are fairly clean and are being cleaned up further. But the island of Phuket has one drawback. Phuket has a smelly, loud backside that people often don’t talk about and it’s called “Patong”. Patong is a tourist town.
Western tourists created this beast of a town. It doesn’t resemble Thai culture. Patong resembles a dirty dream you don’t tell anyone about. It wasn’t like this before tourists started showing up. Western recreational culture is full of drinking, jet skis, and clubs. Patong is simply a town that adapted to tourism and became a party town. I hate to party. I don’t even drink. But Patong is on this island I write about and so we should talk about it.
If you want to stay in a beautiful resort, you can find plenty on Phuket, Koh Samui, or many other islands. If you want to stay in a secluded bungalow, Thailand has that. If you want to get in touch with wildlife in a National Park, northern Thailand has that. If you want to sleep in a hammock in a place where you can only hear the waves, that’s here too. But if you sleep best when surrounded by drunks, clubs, and massage girls calling you in off the streets, book a hotel in Patong.
In a way, Patong during the day is like one of those Russian makeup/no-makeup before and after photos.
Bars that will eventually be packed, exotically lit, and full of dancers sit unspectacular and empty. The men drinking in them, alone, are judged.
Thailand has no shortage of clean, beautiful beaches:
Patong is probably not one of them. Patong is not going to make it on to any “most beautiful beaches” lists. There’s trash. Lots of trash. And jet skis. There are so many jet skis going in circles, riding the waves, that it might confuse you. Why are there so many? Has everyone dreamt of jet skis and never seen one until now? Did they come all the way to paradise, just to smash into the waves with a miniature powerboat? If so, why? Also, is the guy parasailing behind the motorboat really supposed to start on the beach, with a little Thai man on his shoulders, and not in the water?
Also, why did this Patong tattoo shop choose a naked man’s backside to be its main door advertisement? Is there something I don’t know? Do most men dream of a buttocks tattoo? Is that why everyone’s here? Jet skis and buttock tattoos?
The truth is, I have no answers. Patong has one big appeal and it’s the nightlife. But I’m not a partier, so if you want to read about the parties and clubs go here:
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